Stupid cunts

Geeklawyer had thought that feminism was a joke that after 25 years was confined to history and the odd nostalgic memory of decaying overweight women with sagging breasts and moustaches.

He was right (thanks abovethelaw).

Apparently a bunch of strapon wearing bull-dyke feminist law professors are asserting that lying to a woman in order to give her the pleasure of one’s Pork Sword is rape. American professors are a breed with less intellectual credentials than one would accept in the UK. Across the pond ‘Professor’ is merely a job title rather than, as it is here, a recognition of intellectual prowess.

No fuckin’ shit.

The lesbo’s here engage in the usual man hating ‘nod nod wink wink‘ crap about all men conspiring to do down rape and subjugate women. Geeklawyer finds this tosh amusingly retro but thinks that perhaps we should let the 1980’s have their political outrage back. Yes?

A Lessig fanboy responds

Geeklawyer attended the, surprisingly and very disappointingly lightly attended, SCL annual lecture at the IET on Wednesday to hear Professor Lawrence Lessig’s thoughtful Corruption 2.0 talk. That very light attendance bore an ominous portent for his theme, to which GL shall return shortly.

As an aside Geeklawyer really would recommend everyone, IT/IP/whatever lawyer or geek regardless, putting the SCL on their RSS feed to spot coming talks. He has never yet been to one that sucks; at least other than the one he was invited to speak at last year & even that only sucked for his part (yes, don’t you hate false modesty?) And Geeklawyer was charmed by Pangloss’ blog post:

“… any opportunity to see Our Greatest Living Forehead perform … is too good to miss. Most of London’s IT law royalty seem to have agreed, as they were out in force, with everyone to gossip to from Richard Susskind to Chris Reed to blog king Geeklawyer …”

(in descending order obv., but nonetheless confirming Geeklawyer’s view of Professor Lilian Edwards as having unquestionable judgement.) Comments on the UK blawgosphere (sorry) so far have been somewhat mixed. Alex Newson seemed underwhelmed overall. He is from up North and, so far as Geeklawyer knows, didn’t go to a university in the South but nonetheless his view is to be respected with that qualification in mind.

Young Alex (who is currently learning to shave, so callow is his youth) took the view that Larry was likely to repeat the mistake of naivete. Well, goodness: a world without idealism would be a bleak place indeed; one whose tenancy was possessed (in common perhaps?) by your author, Alex and political lobbyists. The benefit of ivory tower academics is that while we lawyer grunts snuffle in the trough, they say what it ought to be like; charming and motivational. Alex’s thesis is that Lessig failed through an, admitted, obsession with academic rigour rather than tactical effectiveness. He says:

” A friend who attended the Lecture overheard another audience member comment: “It’s all very well, but doesn’t Larry realise that the world just doesn’t *work* like that?”

One suspects that he does, very much, realise that. Geeklawyer does not agree with Alex that these approaches are mutually and inevitably exclusive. The idea that corruption is so endemic and embedded as to be incapable of effective and non-token challenge is abhorrent to all democrats

To argue, as does Alex, that one needs to promote the idea of ‘Freedom’ rather than anti-corruption is to argue that eating hot curry is better than watching the Simpsons: there is no comparison, they have nothing in common.

Lessig did exhort geeks (and seemed to hint also at activist IP/IT lawyers? :) ) to take up the baton to combat corruption. Corruption here being of the good old fashion lobbyist advice that when deciding policy one should “go green”: not green as in ecology, but green as in the colour of the dollar that might land in some politician’s bank account.

Lilian Edwards’ article rather sadly resonated with Geeklawyer’s real world experience that Geeks prefer to huff and puff than act. In part this from inexperience. Most geeks deal with binary decisions: “if ($thing) then do {$otherthing} else {$otherthing}”, fuzzy ’sort of’ decisions they don’t do so well. But, in fact, that is not any longer utterly true: the Open Rights Group takes it’s base support from clued up geeks and many are prepared to participate in politics via, e.g., any one of Tom Steinberg’s billion MySociety sites such as “Write to Them” or Harry Metcalfe’s “Tell Them What you Think“.

Nonetheless, Lilian’s point is well made and Geeklawyer struggled somewhat to imagine what it was that would make geeks do rather than talk. Perhaps it is unfair to single geeks out since many political activists bemoan the lethargy of the Lowing Herd. Perhaps geeks need to become more effective at adopting the tools needed to inform politicians to abrogate the malign influence of ‘green(back)’ lobbyists. It is a cultural change and Geeklawyer doesn’t think that the Asperger tendencies of geeks prevents them from engaging with the process, indeed perhaps exactly the opposite; but they just seem to know the need, and how to pull the levers.

Other than that the problem seems to be the general one of engaging the populous with the issues that affect them, not an easy issue. Lessig may be facing a more formidable challenge in this than he did with the Eldred case.

Of course, the dour Calvinist abstemious Geeklawyer is not all about earnest debate and high minded discourse. After the Talk he was persuaded and deceived by the corrupt debase and amoral Martin Keegan to attend the CellarDoor (a converted toilet apparently) in the Strand. In this vile den of iniquity he was unwillingly coerced into consuming a significant quantity of cocktails such that he became a tad intoxicated. Oh the shame.

Above all you must understand that Geeklawyer has not given a positive review of Lessig merely because he signed Geeklawyer’s copy of “the Future of Ideas” which you should buy rather than engage in any of that silly communist Creative Commons downloading tosh.

MsR as an agony aunt?! WTF!

Geeklawyer fangirl Miss Robinson has a very promising looking column at hereisthecity.com as an agony aunt. She seems to be encountering some very odd people in indeed and despatches them in the merciless style they deserve.

Do pop along and watch, but remember not to throw peanuts.

Geeklawyer visits the bottom end of the profession & nearly destroys a large criminal trial

Ruthie was, as many were aware, recently pretending to be junior counsel in a multi-million pound criminal trial that Geeklawyer visited as it was drawing to its inevitable conclusion. In fact it nearly drew to a conclusion more rapidly as a result of Geeklawyer’s friendly visit.

Geeklawyer had merely intended to show up, provide Ruthie with moral support, dinner and some post-prandial ‘entertainment’ for a couple of hours while her Leader’s attention was off in another part of the country.

Disappointingly Geeklawyer did not get to hear the sluttily voiced Ruthie provide each and every member of the jury with remote oral sex from across the courtroom. Her leader was at fault: a thoroughly charming old school barrister, he insisted on using her for the jobs for which junior female counsel are conditioned by nature; fetching coffee cooking and ironing shirts. That is to say, a wife: but one to whom one need not give over 50% of one’s assets at the end of the trial/marriage.

It transpired however that the graceful and supple Geeklawyer’s dark presence caused pandemonium to Ruthie’s client. Not pandemonium of the usual heart, pitter patter, variety. No. Apparently Geeklawyer bore an uncanny resemblance to one of the defendants. When Geeklawyer turned up at court and sat at the back of the public area he was unaware of the turbulence he caused.

Why, said “impressive client“, is junior counsel ‘canoodling’ with a defendant. Problematic? Err yea, just a bit. impressive client took a bit of convincing that nothing untoward was occurring.

Regrettably there was worse. Much much worse.

One of the key defendants in the trial was an alarming looking gentleman with a nervous tick and a reputation for, unproven, extreme violence due to a well known untreatable psychiatric disorder. He spent much of the day, according to watchful observers, pacing up and down eying Geeklawyer, when they were both in the court corridors, or glaring at him as he sat in the public area of the trial room. This was all misinterpreted by your author.

The assumption was that Mr Loonytoons believed that Geeklawyer was not a respectable, indeed glamorous compared to his criminal colleagues, barrister but a defendant engaged in surveillance to unknown and (for Mr Psycho) detrimental ends.

Geeklawyer is, of course, well known for being brighter than the entire population of the planet Mensa put together. Readers might thus ask “OK, why did you not spot all of this?“. The problem is that Geeklawyer’s ego is not that small. He had spotted the observation but the truth is that, while straight, he knows how very hot he is to gay guys as well as the ladies; and, well, you know, he just assumed that gay lust rather than a psychotic killing instinct was the basis for the attention ….

Fortunately for the psycho hardman he wasn’t brave or stupid enough to try it on with Geeklawyer. Geeklawyer is known not just for his charm and wit but also his steel hard edge: he’d would have hated to have to deprive the court of its opportunity to mete out justice.

Damned memes - I’ve been pwned

MsR has tagged me with the latest “What are you reading” meme:

WHAT ARE YOU READING?
The rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people

OK. Here goes:

“These reasons are built into the procedures of the application for judicial review, which requires for example an application to quash a decision to be brought within a limited time. A decision not challenged within that time, whether or not it would have been declared unlawful if challenged, and whether or not unlawful for jurisdictional error, retains legal effect. So does a decision found to be unlawful but where  remedy is, in the court’s discretion, withheld.”

Principles of Judicial Review, De Smith, Woolf & Jowell’s

I tag, at random, CharonQC, Ruthie, Lawminx, Alex Cartwright and moon23 and Dan Hull.

The fat and the furious

Some news reports are just too weird to be plausible. When one thinks of John Prescott, the lard-ass ex deputy Labour party leader with an unsurpassed talent for inarticulate gibberish, a number of images spring to mind. One that doesn’t is John hunched over a toilet bowl returning his lunch to the wild. It seems he has come out of the closet (Perhaps Viscount Linley’s?) as a bulimic. Frankly, if this:

Fatty Prescott

is what he looks like after bulimia he seems to be a pretty good example to use for girls with eating disorder: Bulimia will make you look like this.

On a similar warning note if you are member of an old aristocratic English family you may be worried about the dangers of inbreeding. Of course the same even applies if you are a bunch of krauts like the Saxe-Coburg & Gotha’s Windsors. If your family’s gene pool is a little shallow then making it deeper by filling it with 20,000 gallons of sewage from retardess Princess Di’s family might not be the smartest move. Proof you say? Oh fuck dude, pick up a paper. Or look at the recent news of pretty boy Princess William’s empty headed £30k joyride in an RAF Chinook helicopter for no better purpose than to impress some bimbo he wants to fuck up the arse.

Jealous Geeklawyer? Fuck yea.

Looniest Judge *ever* Award: nice try - no pie, Peter.

Having also been on the wrong end of a major bollocking recently Geeklawyer has not a little sympathy for Mr Justice Peter Smith. Pete was referred to the Office for Naughty Judges (OJC) last year after showing “undoubted animosity” towards one of the parties in a case before him.

At least that’s the polite version. Geeklawyer told it as it really was last year: it seems law firm Addleshaw Goddard blew Pete out for a high paying gig (an attempt to parachute out of the burning Royal Courts of Justice - otherwise known as ‘Doing a Hughie“) and he blew a fuse; the fucking huge 100 amp one marked “Common Sense”. And then it got weird as Pete made a full-on stampede for the stage in an attempt to snatch away the Silver award winner’s cup for the  “Looniest Judge Evar“  from Judge Florio of the Philippines.

When AG were on the record in the trial Pete totally lost it and ripped them a new one:

“MR CRAMPIN: Having had an unsuccessful discussion or negotiation with Addleshaws, your lordship expressed yourself in strong – intemperate, almost — anguish.

“MR JUSTICE PETER SMITH: Nonsense. I don’t know what part of the country you come from, Mr Crampin, but it’s about time you grew up. If you think that’s intemperate, then you are on another planet from me. If you thought it was intemperate, then you should have seen the correspondence which didn’t trouble Mr Twigden.

“MR CRAMPIN: I’m endeavouring to make a submission, not to engage with your Lordship in badinage of that kind. The question that a fair-minded person –

Any judge in that position would hope, in a moment of calmer reflection, that it would get better; but like being caught by one’s wife balls deep in the teenage girl from next door one would have to know that it wouldn’t. A complaint to the OJC was inevitable and realised.

A year later however Pete has caught a break. The Lord Chancellor and the Lord Chief Justice, Lord Phillips of Worth Matravers had a chat about it all down the pub over a cider or three and decided that while Pete had been somewhat of a plonker he merited only the bottommost level of sanctions: a reprimand for misconduct. The ONJ said:

Today a Judicial Communications Office spokesman said: “The Lord Chancellor and the Lord Chief Justice have carefully considered the Court of Appeal’s comments on the conduct of Mr Justice Peter Smith . . . and have concluded that the conduct in question amounted to misconduct.

“As a result, the Lord Chief Justice has issued a reprimand to the judge.”

Lord Phillips of Worth Matravers, said: “I consider that a firm line has now been drawn under this matter.

“Both I and the Lord Chancellor value the services of Mr Justice Peter Smith and he has my full confidence.”

Geeklawyer’s also; though he is fully confident that if Addleshaw Goddard intruct him to appear before Pete he will find that his diary is unexpectedly full for a jolly long time indeed.

Geeklawyer fangirl hits the bigtime

Geeklawyer is feeling a wee bit bitter and twisted. First Geeklawyer got beaten to a Times writing gig by law blogger BabyBarista (who feigned surprise at this and expressed both justifiable admiration for Geeklawyer and pain at his being deprived of his rightful dues). Then Geeklawyer blog fangirl, Evil Lena gets a Comment is Free column in the Guardian.

When Geeklawyer says “a wee bit bitter and twisted“, he means this in the same sense that Hitler did when he said “I’d just as soon not have a beer with a Jew, if it’s all the same to you“.

Of course the fact that she is nearly as talented as Geeklawyer softens the pain somewhat. And while the treatment of the topic was probably brilliant (Geeklawyer was too bitter to actually read it). The fact remains that if any other reader of this blog goes on to success then Geeklawyer will demand a cut of the profits, or at least the fame. The time for your fucking freeloading off him is, like the Napoleonic wars - which he won all by himself, over.

Gay Royal blackmail victim wont go into the witness box …

Which was not his attitude to his manservant’s ‘box’.

Geeklawyer has covered the story before. It seems that this is the first time in a century that a Royal has been blackmailed (though of course if it were successful how would one know?) Obviously it can’t be true because the victim is a married Royal with children; and anyway there can only be one Queen in the Royal Family.

It did seem a bit odd to Geeklawyer not to have the victim on the stand - one imagines that that would significantly damage the prospects of the accused being convicted. Still even if the prosecution can’t make a case perhaps the victim can? But he would need expert woodworking skills (please don’t use that as a clue to try and hunt down the identity of the royal involved ;) )

Random Fire 9

It isn’t just Geeklawyer who thinks Internet access is a human rights issue and that “three strikes” and you’re off the Internet is a music industry bullshit way of dealing with copyright infringement and their own broken business models.

More proof that the “War on Terror” is having absurd knock on effects on common sense. Since terrorists take surveillance photographs of targets then anyone taking photographs might be a terrorist. Seems obvious went you put it like that; so PCSOs and proper cops are hassling photographers seen taking pictures and insisting on their deletion.

Amusing: a Maasai warrior chief & marathon runner in the UK to run writes on English novelties. On the Saturday April the 5th he wrote:

“…I miss meat and blood very much. Not vegetables because they are food for a woman…”

Take that you vegans. Geeklawyer is very fond of vegetables himself: they pay his absurdly high fees without complaint.