Archive for the 'idiotic' Category

Dear prospective advertiser number one million. Thank you for your interest

Published on 26 January 2010 in idiotic. 2 Comments Tags: .

Dear Casabian,
I’d rather have my bollocks chewed off by a bad tempered rottweiler with a taste for slow pain, than have a bunch of low-life ambulance chasers taint my site with their ads.

Or alternatively you could pay me £30,000 a quarter and I would give you a small link at the bottom of my page: then I would love you harder than I love your mother.

Let me know.

Warmest regards

Geeklawyer

———

On 25 Jan 2010, at 23:08, [Casabian Rotunda Emeticus] wrote:

Hello,

My name is [.…] and I work with http://www.[ambulance-chasers-direct].com . Ambulance Chasers Direct is a personal injury claims firm who offer compensation to all UK clients. We were curious to see if you would be willing to let us gain a presence on your site? What we would like you to do is to have a weblink to our site. We’re aiming packages for 3 or 6 months, how much might this cost to be done? Please do let me know, we would really love to be a part of your website.

Thanks so much for your time and consideration.

Warmest of regards

[Casabian Rotunda Emeticus]

A nation of half-wit jobsworths?

Published on 2 June 2008 in idiotic. 7 Comments Tags: , , .

Oh how we laughed at the stories of America’s TSA: the retards responsible for stealing passengers luggage all the while saving the world from arabic t-shirts. This sort of brainless bureaucracy seems to be a specialty of the American civil service.

Regrettably like many things American it seems to be making its way over here: it seems wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon gun is enough to get one kicked off a flight. This kind of hysterical brain dead twaddle is just depressing the living fuck out of Geeklawyer. It’s the inevitable consequence of jobsworthism: hiring cretinous people with a humourectomy inculcated in an atmosphere of panic over the “War on Terror”.

Barrister tries alternative dispute resolution. Uses bullets: my dear fellow, you’re doing it all wrong

Published on 7 May 2008 in Uncategorized, cops, idiotic, legal profession and the Bar. 6 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Mark Saunders, a family law/divorce barrister it seems, was killed in a shoot out with armed police in London. It all happened near Geeklawyer’s old flat in the Kings Road as it happens, nice area but if there is much more gun-play people will presumably migrate to somewhere less dangerous; Peckham, say.

It seems that he was having a bit of a totty tiff with his wife and decided to take pot shots at the neighbours with a shotgun. Despite, or perhaps because of?, being an ex-member of the territorial army he didn’t even manage to hit anyone. Still, it gave SO13 a fun day out.

Best quote of the day about him:

“His entry in Chambers & Partners Guide to the Legal Profession said: “Mark Saunders enters the up-and-coming category after a volley of praise.”

Chambers will perhaps amend it now to add:

“but he departed it after a volley of bullets.” (Too soon?)

Geeklawyer decided not to use his “Random Fire” blog tag for this story: one must be sensitive.

This Xmas’s Grinch award winner?

Published on 9 December 2007 in copyright and idiotic. 6 Comments

You know, sometimes Geeklawyer really is convinced that Darwinian evolution works in reverse. The more stupid selfish and greedy one is the more likely one is to succeed in the face of contumelious morals and behaviour.

You’d imagine fucking a small vulnerable worthy charity in the arse would be regarded as a bit of a no-no. You, may think so, but the dozy Darwin evading cunts at the PRS don’t seem to do so. Last year the historic Dam House in Astley made the chronic unforgivable error of having kitchen staff whos radio was audible to the public.

On that basis the PRS gestapo licensing thugs have claimed that this requires a public performance licence, or else:

“nice little charity you got here mate, shame if it got burnt down”.

Bingo, the PRS fuck them over for £230. This year it is even worse. Because the charities kiddies perform (copyrighted) carols to raise money, the PRS shysters want near double the fee: £470. Nice.

In part this continues a case the PRS is taking against Kwik-fit garages on the basis that it’s garage mechanics radios could be overheard by customers. David Harris has discussed the legality in more depth. Geeklawyer also regards the Kwick-fit case as bollocks.

This is illustrates the problems with collecting societies. They become monopolies who exploit both the public and the artists they pretend to represent. They become autonomous profit societies, little bureaucracies whose only job is to provide jobs for the faux-civil servants they employ. Income is squandered on salaries expenses and self serving conferences and jollies around the world. How much do artists get? Presumably if you are Eric Clapton a fair wedge, but if you are a struggling musician Geeklawyer would guess sweet fuck all.

Geeklawyer has been on a tour of the PRS many years ago and was unimpressed with the jobsworths and the waste of money.

One presumes the PRS salesman involved was on a productivity bonus and had shakedown targets to meet.

more grinches: Tesco are using the usual Health & Safety’ twaddle to boot carol singers off their premises. Classy.

It’s not art — it’s a willy and it scares me

Published on 22 November 2007 in humour and idiotic. 1 Comment

Apparently the poor folk of Newport were so threatened by the fuax penis of an arty mannequin in a shop window that they complained to council jobsworths. These then whinged to Police and Community Support officers who in turn told the shop owners that they faced prosecution for causing “alarm harassment and distress” to passers under section 5 of the Public Order Act. Although now the police, fearing mockery, are adamant that they merely advised of a possibility and that there was no threat of prosecution. Honest.

This is not, of course, the first time outrageous art has been subject to twee busybody tut tutting, nor one imagines the last. Now that we have finally defeated crime the authorities are properly turning their attention to the immoral and indecent, egged on by the vigilant cultured citizens of Newport.

And thank heavens for that. If one is a member of the final unfortunate few to be mugged in the high street late at night by some drunken taffy chav, the very last thing that one wishes is to have ones last moments on earth sullied by is the sight of a mannequin’s penis.

Dying with dignity is the ultimate human right.