Archive for the 'crime' Category

Ruthie was, as many were aware, recently pre­tend­ing to be junior coun­sel in a multi-million pound crim­i­nal trial that Geeklawyer vis­ited as it was draw­ing to its inevitable con­clu­sion. In fact it nearly drew to a con­clu­sion more rapidly as a result of Geeklawyer’s friendly visit.

Geeklawyer had merely intended to show up, pro­vide Ruthie with moral sup­port, din­ner and some post-prandial ‘enter­tain­ment’ for a cou­ple of hours while her Leader’s atten­tion was off in another part of the country.

Dis­ap­point­ingly Geeklawyer did not get to hear the slut­tily voiced Ruthie pro­vide each and every mem­ber of the jury with remote oral sex from across the court­room. Her leader was at fault: a thor­oughly charm­ing old school bar­ris­ter, he insisted on using her for the jobs for which junior female coun­sel are con­di­tioned by nature; fetch­ing cof­fee cook­ing and iron­ing shirts. That is to say, a wife: but one to whom one need not give over 50% of one’s assets at the end of the trial/marriage.

It tran­spired how­ever that the grace­ful and sup­ple Geeklawyer’s dark pres­ence caused pan­de­mo­nium to Ruthie’s client. Not pan­de­mo­nium of the usual heart, pit­ter pat­ter, vari­ety. No. Appar­ently Geeklawyer bore an uncanny resem­blance to one of the defen­dants. When Geeklawyer turned up at court and sat at the back of the pub­lic area he was unaware of the tur­bu­lence he caused.

Why, said “impres­sive client”, is junior coun­sel ‘canoodling’ with a defen­dant. Prob­lem­atic? Err yea, just a bit. impres­sive client took a bit of con­vinc­ing that noth­ing unto­ward was occurring.

Regret­tably there was worse. Much much worse.

One of the key defen­dants in the trial was an alarm­ing look­ing gen­tle­man with a ner­vous tick and a rep­u­ta­tion for, unproven, extreme vio­lence due to a well known untreat­able psy­chi­atric dis­or­der. He spent much of the day, accord­ing to watch­ful observers, pac­ing up and down eying Geeklawyer, when they were both in the court cor­ri­dors, or glar­ing at him as he sat in the pub­lic area of the trial room. This was all mis­in­ter­preted by your author.

The assump­tion was that Mr Loony­toons believed that Geeklawyer was not a respectable, indeed glam­orous com­pared to his crim­i­nal col­leagues, bar­ris­ter but a defen­dant engaged in sur­veil­lance to unknown and (for Mr Psy­cho) detri­men­tal ends.

Geeklawyer is, of course, well known for being brighter than the entire pop­u­la­tion of the planet Mensa put together. Read­ers might thus ask “OK, why did you not spot all of this?”. The prob­lem is that Geeklawyer’s ego is not that small. He had spot­ted the obser­va­tion but the truth is that, while straight, he knows how very hot he is to gay guys as well as the ladies; and, well, you know, he just assumed that gay lust rather than a psy­chotic killing instinct was the basis for the attention .…

For­tu­nately for the psy­cho hard­man he wasn’t brave or stu­pid enough to try it on with Geeklawyer. Geeklawyer is known not just for his charm and wit but also his steel hard edge: he’d would have hated to have to deprive the court of its oppor­tu­nity to mete out justice.