Geeklawyer, as is well recorded, is a bit of a Glastonbury festival loon. A number of lawyers have emailed and put comments elsewhere on the blog asking for guidance on fun festivals. It probably says much for lawyers that they need to ask at all: most of their peers would have spent their youth at festivals and not need expert Geeklawyer guidance.
Although it is always worth going to, Glastonbury has irritating aspects: the ticket buying farce; the anti-Scouse, Stalag Luft 14 style, 30 foot high super-fence (with minefields starving attack dogs and automated machine-gun turrets); crowds that would make Leicester Square tube station, during a rush-hour bomb explosion, look like a peaceful deserted pacific beach. But screw all that, Geeklawyer must have his weekends of drug-taking sex and music. Preferably this should happen somewhere other than his Chamber’s library: Gorvis Jocker QC, Head of Chambers, did not take kindly to the last weekend pay party.
Having heard only positive things about the Big Chill festival, held at Eastnor Castle near Ledbury in Herefordshire, an expedition was duly arranged to the scary foreign place outside of London.
The Big Chill dope
This festival is part of the repertoire of Big Chill group who also run several bars and a music label. This is, let us be honest, a bit more glamorous, a bit more Rock’n’Roll, than milking cows; although perhaps Micheal Eavis just sits in a barn for the rest of the year counting the festival takings.
The Big Chill started in 1994 and it led an itinerant lifestyle until, on reaching a mature age, it settled down at Eastnor Castle. It bills itself as a cultural experience, rather than just being about music unlike, say, the Download festival. In this it is, of course, mirroring Glastonbury, the Big Swinging Dick of UK festivals. The organisers are sniffly adamant that they are a different, and by implication better, beast. Maybe; that’s for Geeklawyer to decide.
The breadth of performers doesn’t match Glastonbury but it is a much smaller festival: about 25,000 people versus, well, the population of China. There are, nonetheless, artists from all parts of the globe doing every conceivable genre and there are plenty of great acts even if they can’t quite afford to get Bruce Springsteen or Rolf Harris.
Big Chill makes a big deal about art too and the impression was unavoidable it took it more seriously than Glastonbury. Henry Krokatsis was commissioned to do a piece for the festival: a marvellous Helter Skelter work beautifully exhibited in the festival’s lake; Vivienne Westwood, along with many others, exhibited a tent here to be auctioned off for charity later in the year.
The highlights
The music will be reviewed in a separate post later but in summary: David Byrne sucked; Gong were a fabulously bizarre hippy riot; Orbital ‘blew the fucking doors off’; Basement Jaxx tore it up. Even Craig Charles (yes, he of Red Dwarf fame — though one imagines he is a little sick of hearing that said) did a brilliant little set.
Now it’s your turn: name these performers. Go on.
There are a variety of open air stages for music & comedy and much more intimate stages for folk reggae poetry and smaller events: places you can go and see eclectic acts and soon-to-be-famous bands (that you can later brag you saw ‘back in the day’ with only 200 other people).
A personal favourite music stage for Geeklawyer was the Rizla area which definitely had the coolest vibe.
Geeklawyer even got to watch the 1967 Dr Who ‘Moonbase’ episode, in black and white. Apparently (he is too young to know personally), there was a time when moving pictures were not in colour. Odd and retro in the coolest way possible.
Noel Fielding of the Mighty Boosh fame did a stand up on the Coop stage; as well as presiding as the Zombie King in a Guinness World of Records attempt for the highest number of participants in a zombie film. Over 5000 ‘zombies festival goers’ took part in the Film4/Warp Films film for next year. The title eludes Geeklawyer, but frankly it looked pretty much like a straight-to-DVD item if the zombie shenanigans were anything to go by. Fuck it, it was fun. Regrettably though Fielding’s performance was a complete shambles he left about half way through the set and just fell apart. Hopeless.
Food and booze
The food was dreadful unhealthy calorie laden piles of dormant heart attack. Which is to say that it was great: is festival food ever bad? There’s no evidence of it anywhere.
Geeklawyer on Wednesday
Geeklawyer by Sunday afternoon
We have, it can be speculated, a definitive final answer to the old festival question: “who ate all the pies?” Look! He even has a snack next to him.
The vibe: chilled.
The festival itself really does feel chilled: one can move around between stages of ones own choice rather than being swept along by the human ‘rip-tide’ phenomena of Glastonbury or Download.
Sex
And of course one goes to a festival to oggle hot totty and get laid. Geeklawyer slept with most of the girls pictured here. Without the aid of Rohypnol. Probably.
Toilets
Having been to Roskilde festival in Denmark Geeklawyer knew that clean toilets were possible: just not in England. Or so he thought until he had to park the festival food and found, bar one exception, that the toilets were so clean Geeklawyer would have been tempted to hold a client conference in them. Obviously only Legal Aid clients, because they’re scum. But even so, good toilets, and … Good grief. Showers! They had working showers with, erm, well, actually tepid, water; but fuck it — working showers with queues less than the length of the M3 motorway.
The Jury’s verdict
The Big Chill? a great laugh, and absolutely the only festival with zombies.
My Dear Geek,
What an excellent review!
As someone who had the great good fortune to attend glastonbury on a number of occaisions but no longer attends because it has personally lost some of its lustre in becoming a bit TOO Upper Middle class and trendy (people turning up in mobile homes with a BUTLER service?! Wots THAT all about ?!?!)I must say your enthusiasm for the Big Chill has actually persuaded me that I might want to get all my festival going kit out once again and give the whole experience one more stab before I am sent to the Home for Redundant and Entirely Joking Barristers.
Where are you off to next?!?
I’ve not arranged next festival but I’m looking for suggestions. It really was a blast.
Actually I still love Glasto a lot, but like a lot of festival goers one becomes habituated and forgets that there are other interesting venues. I’d totally recommend you go and mebe next year we can hook up there.
Gl — excellent review… and great pics.. your new kit paying off.. re Twitter… I can see what you mean about the tits.
You definitely have a flair for getting pissed at festivals and writing them up.… enjoyed this… more pics?
I’ll put all the pics up in the photo section in due course.
“Pie-man” appears to have mislaid his snack at some point, resulting in him having to nourish himself by consuming his own leg.
I was tempted to ask if those were his balls in his shorts, but I didn’t want to get within snack distance.
I’ve been meaning to go for years. I shall definitely not fuck it up next year.
Most interesting review thanks, enjoyed your Twitter updates as the weekend progressed too. Just not the same as being at a festival but as I’m banned this year by the father of my soon to be born child, this was a suitable substitute!
Amazed you had time to see any music at all inbetween all those gurls…
It was a punishing schedule — girl booze, hanging with Slebs but I coped
(what a selfish partner you have, tshhh)
did anyone drink any of the water provided by the organisers??. it tasted just like milk!.…. not what i wanted to taste after a night on the beer, and waking up gagging for a cool refreshing glass.….…
great blog by the way!
I never drank the water except when mixed with alcohol; so pray what the hell were you drinking water for?!
A very finely written review of what sounds like a very fine festival — good work! But you leave the lovely David Byrne alone — he is a lovely man — maybe he was just intimidated by the size of your lens, I imagine many men are…?!
Some fools feel I am over compensating. As if. David Byrne was *rubbish*, sorry, gotta be said. You may wish to avoid the music review!
Good review; chilled is definitely the word — I went there a couple of years back, and the whole place smelt of freshly cut grass with a waft of weed every 10 seconds. And what other festival has a library, a cinema, and bean bags liberally strewn about the place?
But yeah — you did sort of miss out the music. “in a separate post later” my sceptical arse.
I’ll make you eat that scepticism
I do beg your pardon, Festy, but how many Glastos have you been to? I’ve been eight times, and can vouchsafe that it has grown more right on than right now by the year — which is a shame really, because I always enjoyed my time there; I’m not sure it would be the festival I recall were I to go again– which unfortunately, I am not.…..
That’s not fucking huner s thomspn level!
i was expecting craziness and surreal stream of consciousnessness!
burp.
Why can’t I view the girls in HQ?
I’ll link to the full size pic when I’ve uploaded them to the photoblog. You filthy perv.
GL! Did you really sleep with those girls? Can we have a review rating them please, with video. If I go to big chill will I get lucky?
You have my word of honour I pleasured those ladies all night long. All night, all of them: on my honour.
Sweet. Am more of a Glastonbury fan but Minx is wrong Glasto isnt about all that caravan shit that just a tiny minority being rock and roll.
Chill looks good though, herd it was and your review kinda confirmed it. When is the music review going to be posted?
My good sir, I do believe you managed to swoon more ladies than I. Congratulations. I shall see you there next year with my entourage of make up artists, lighting monkeys and handmaidens…
Fare the well!
Chris
–Sarcasm is King!
Hey! Hi Chris, great fun.
I will regale readers with tales of my getting sacked from the Pit later
Hope to bump into you at another festival soon. (BTW send me a link to any pictures you publish)
Good fucking grief GL, you show us pie-man as testimony for the festival? Perhaps he danced it all off in the rave tent?
You might want to try Bestival down in Dorset, its very family though & I take the kids. Great review still not sue if I can justify another festival — unless I can pretend it’s work related.