Geeklawyer has been in love before. And not always with him­self. Some­times with a human female, some­times with a tech­no­log­i­cal thingy and some­times with noth­ing less than an entire nation: even its sewage sys­tem & its local ver­sion of chavs.

Take Hol­land. Please, take it, Geeklawyer is no longer in love with it. A cou­ple of decades ago, when Geeklawyer was a sprightly and ener­getic young fel­low full of the love of all mankind and a noble incor­rupt­ible creed, before the malev­o­lent hand of cyn­i­cism and bit­ter expe­ri­ence burned his soul to a crispy smok­ing … oh sorry, where were we? …, he ven­tured to Ams­ter­dam where one could get drunk all day (UK kick­ing out times were in force back then), smoke dope in canal cof­feeshops, smoke dope in errr, fuck pretty nice Dutch pros­ti­tutes and watch nasty porn in the com­pany of dis­gust­ing per­verts. But oh, how times change. Thanks to ille­gal immi­gra­tion and Islamic scum, some bumping-off film pro­duc­ers, Hol­land is now in the hands of Calvin­ist fuck-ups. No longer is it the play­ground of depraved aes­thetes such as Geeklawyer where inno­cent fun could be had defil­ing the weak and vul­ner­a­ble. No. Now it is scanky Russ­ian whores, Allah wail­ing sand-niggers and bible thump­ing child moles­ters. No more lib­er­als like Geeklawyer.

Japan, how­ever, is the new love. What a ter­rific weird place this is. Utterly utterly incom­pre­hen­si­ble. What on earth could account for “Hello Kitty”? This has infected even the Harem. Geeklawyer spent the first two days wan­der­ing in Aki­habara to get Anime and Hello Kitty stuff for the girlies. Never mind doing sight­see­ing. As an aside, all Anime stuff is porn! Geeklawyer found only one shop sell­ing stuff that could be safely sent back though cus­toms, with­out him being accused send­ing kiddy porn car­toons, thanks to fuck­wit­tery by neo-Labour moral­ist head­line seekers.

But, enough. On from Tokyo, Geeklawyer blazed across Japan in a Shinkansen Bul­let Train from Tokyo to Kyoto, some 550 miles, in a pif­fling 2.5 hours. Had a British train com­pany been respon­si­ble he would be arriv­ing about now, 2 days later. Geeklawyer was lucky enough to arrive in Kyoto to see the famous “Gion Mat­suri” fes­ti­val with its huge pointy yama-boko floats. There are pho­tos.

Geeklawyer’s Japan­ese has improved a fair degree to the point he can make him­self sort-of under­stood within a very lim­ited domain; but he still largely incom­pre­hen­si­ble to the poor locals who, given the exces­sive polite­ness of the Japan­ese, swear blind he must be Japan­ese since he is so flu­ent. Ermm yea, K. When he gets home he will be suing the bitch who taught him Japan­ese, lazy inept joru.

On another side note Geeklawyer, hav­ing ini­tially poo poo’d (sorry), weird techno-toilets he has had some­thing of a shit epiphany. There is some­thing deeply wor­ry­ing about excret­ing elec­tri­cally con­duc­tive flu­ids and body mat­ter into a toi­let wired up to the mains elec­tric­ity. Really, 240 volts wired into a high cur­rent ring main; would you use one wired up by the Ital­ians? No, nei­ther would Geeklawyer: the Swiss or the Japan­ese, fine, but no-one else. Geeklawyer will hunt around Lon­don to see if one can be pro­cured locally. It’ll be a party piece.