Geeklawyer has decided to retrain as a solicitor advocate. It is a bit depressing to make that admission given the amount of pisstaking he has done of Ruthie, and she will, no doubt, grind your author’s nose in it.
It was a hard decision prompted by yesterdays news of a 20% drop in pupillages. To Geeklawyer this is the final indicator that the Bar is on its last legs: in a famine lions eat their own cubs just before they die. Geeklawyer is sometimes compared to a lion (by himself anyway, others have said an ass or vulture but …) so the analogy is ominous. In recent months work has been very poor. Geeklawyer did have to busk for a few weeks earlier in the year when instructions dried up and the yield was poor; only a stint in a porno movie, “Cure for Lesbianism 3“, paid the rent that month.
So Geeklawyer has written to the Bar Council asking to be voluntarily disbarred and begun the solicitor conversion course. Easy enough of course, becoming a solicitor is not too demanding, but he is not proud of learning how to do conveyancing even if he will never use it.
Naturally the big firms in the City are ecstatic, or rather they will be once the news begins to spread, as it will like wildfire there can be no doubt. Geeklawyer imagines a senior position at Bird & Bird, Freshfield or somesuch will be on offer imminently followed by a partnership in a year or so. But there will be a tear in his eye; and the mandatory poorly styled suit on his shoulders.
Welcome to the ranks, GL! An auspicious day indeed. Now you’ll learn what being a real lawyer is all about…
(BTW, I can’t find that film on Amazon. Do you know where I can obtain a copy?)
My Dear Geek,
Whilst I fully appreciate that there is absolutely no chance of a Virtual and Completely unfunded Pupillage with yourself, one can but ask. Having a pupil has many advantages, noted as follows:
I am more than willing to be put in charge of the photocopier for the entire year; a pupil should be seen and not heard.
I am willing to make all the tea and sandwiches-not for myself of course; I fully expect to starve to death.
I will clean Chambers floor with my tongue, this bieng an ecological and efficient way in which to employ a pupil who is otherwise a total drain on resources.
Looking forward to buggering up your professional indemnity insurance in perpetuity,
Minx
So you will be leaving the anachronistic and joining the brave new world. Does this mean you will have to be subservient to someone else?
Pussy.
Seriously GL, good luck in your endeavours. I’ve really enjoyed the honesty and frankness in your blog and am sure you’ll continue to be fantastic in whatever capacity presents itself. Rather daunting for someone like me about to start retraining of course, but that’s my problem. At least I won’t be able to say I wasn’t warned!
My Dear Geek,
Are these solicitors humouring your joke or do they really not know what day it is?
Oh bollocks. I don’t believe it. I am indeed an utter twonk.
I’m not a solicitor though: that’s one insult too far, James.
Yes, a twonk is indeed one up from a solicitor.
What joke is that? You mean, you doubt Geeklawyer’s integrity to tell the truth? I’m sure he’ll have something to say about that.
Yes I bloody do have something to say about that. I have been known to tell the truth on a number of occasions; often several times in one day.
You are as cruel as ever JC; but remember modestly: not everyone is a sharp as you.
What a coincidence! I am also changing career. I will shortly be leaving Libraryland to retrain as a belly dancer.
Aren’t feet easier? Or is it a disability thing? Am I being handicapist in assuming you have feet. I’m often pretty crass so I’d have to admit it’s a possibility.
fire extinguisher for mr geek - required for pants at once
Smoking a little perhaps, however, SW, freedom of speech does no include the right to shout “FIRE!” in a crowded Saville Row tailor’s shop.
Don’t knock porno work - as us impecunious writers know it’s an excellent second job. Of course if a very rich lawyer were to need a mistress I would consider it as part of my portfolio.
It is with regret that I announce that I am changing career and become a dead body. Good prospects £100 per hour + commission.
It has been a long road but I fear that as I am dead now it is going to be increasingly difficult to continue with the blog.
Charon 1953 - 2006
Deceased of this Parish
You’re going to get burnt on that career option. The going market price just dropped to £75 on pay-per-view
Geek
“poorly styled suits”? Pah. Nearly Legal’s tailoring puts to shame most counsel of his acquaintance and usage, as well as being wholly inappropriate for the legal aid sector. Granted, the tailoring is a few years old now…
Charon, but who ferrys the ferryman? (shamelessly about to be duplicated on your blog).
Nearly Legal….
I have until midnight….but…. despite my best endeavours to help those wonderful people at Heathrow Terminal 5 this week (I can tell you… they are not pleased with my baggage handling abilities) I can lie down ion the boat and paddle…… myself to Hades.
End of an era… because I was too pissed for most of my life to work out how to have a son and heir….. so…. Scunthorpe - Hades franchise is now being put out to tender. All good things come to an end…. as an ex-pole dancing friend of mine used to say.
I am backing Transport for London to get it…. or possibly…. those people who run the London bendy buses…..
GL… my apologies…. I appear to have come straight from the dead body section of JobCentre Plus to your blog.
I really do think you will make a first class solicitor-advocate…. I have not, of course, seen you perform in Court… but that lap dancing routine before the High Court judge the other week was first class…
Pity Max Mosley didn’t take a leaf out of your book in taste terms. Apparently, allegedly, according to the newspaper of record NOTW, …. Max likes to hone his German while spanking young women…. and then get them to check his hair for lice, handcuff him, beat him with a cane and…. then ask him how old he wants to be….
42… he said, apparently (Source: NOTW) …. Dear God….. I met Douglas Adams many years ago… I was a colleague of his lovely wife before she became his wife - 42 was, of course, the secret of ‘Ze Universe’…
I am off to open a garden centre….. and sell insurance to sagalouts…. ‘No salesman will call’… dead right…. as we say to our fellow 50+ friends….
I have to confess I have misled you - it was an April Fool’s joke. I do feel a bit churlish for having deceived you all, almost all, for so long and so fully.
I imagine you will be one of the few people to be ejected from a garden centre for unruly behaviour: look forward to the updates.
My Dear Geek,
With respect to my post regarding pupillage, this is the part where you are supposed to say something along the lines of ” Get Bent, Minx” and I EITHER say “Oh, Ok then”, OR ” April Fool!!”
( desperation and a profound lack of sleep have a strange effect upon my minx like self)
I was about to say “Yes, sure, you can have a 12 month pupillage but I can’t necessarily guarantee a tenancy”.
I still want to know if this was your April fools
GL, I have little doubt that you are quite possibly the most cruel and sadistic barrister on the face of the planet!!
There is some competition: Bruce Hymen for example or Christopher Dunce. Nonetheless these two amateurs lack my naked talent and I think that being beastly to defenceless Bar aspirants gets me enough style points to win comfortably.
My dear Lawminx,
I suspect you are mistaken. Geek lawyer seems to be a genial sort, who enjoys healthy pastimes. He also read physics at university and knows eigenvalues from his arsehole.
Such people tend to be good chaps, provided that they receive adequate rations of alcohol.
The barristers who cause trouble rarely have any scientific training and often exhibit religious or homosexual tendencies.
Not just that but I have noticed that they also wear bad shoes. I think this is no coincidence. A true cad, *bow*, remains stylish while being cruel.
… Thats if you can call Purple Doc Maartens ( useful for kickage not just of bar hopefuls but also of clients) STYLISH, of ocurse………..
My Dear James,
I am wont to suspect that GL was compelled to leave the world of physics because he openly encouraged Pavlov’s Dog to devour Schrodinger’s Cat…..!!!
hmm guess I should jump on the bandwagon and say that this accounting schtick isn’t working out either. I think I should become a beautician.
Oh Mary, you are late to the party. An hour late is fine but a whole day. Tschhh.
I’m well aware of the nature of your post dearest Geekie. I’ve just been ruminating on my life, that’s all. Painting the fingernails of daft women could be fun.
I’m a day later….cruel is unappetising but sadistic I can do…
All fooling aside, compared to barristers, solicitor advocates are lightweights and poofs.
Too fucking right matey! Though only I can say that to Ruthie & get away with it. She is going to cut your nuts off if she meets you.
how do you know she won’t cut your nuts off?
It would not be in her own long term interests
a fascinating experiment - but we need to know: did the mutt salivate or only from one half of the mouth?
Geeklawyer… I have just been arrested by PCSOs for being in a garden centre without lawful excuse…. they were none to keen on my chain saw….
Can you get me off…. in terms of the charges…. I don’t want any of that dodgy pole dancing you do down at the RCJ…. if you please.
I’m not a criminal lawyer but I’ll have a go - could be a laugh, for me. What are the charges? Were you you waving the chainsaw while it was on or was it merely burbling with latent threat?
I think you should reconsider the pole dancing - it works surprisingly well and getting off is the only thing you should worry about - a view those who watch me pole dance also hold.