GeekLawyer’s Blog

Good to see you back. Looking forward to more scurrilous offensive comment.

My cousin Cardinal Charoni di Tempranillo, taking time off from preparations for one of his busiest weeks (He explained to me that it is easter next week), is holding a short blessing for you.

For my part - I shall raise a glass. I have been up for nearly 40 hours without sleep - a rather busy weekend completing a fairly sensible writing project and doing podcasts for the Association of Law Teachers Conference at Oxford - started today and continues until Tuesday in ‘my other guise’. Day job stuff - but most enjoyable nonetheless.

It is a pleasure to be returned to the black and white of the original blog. On your temporary blog I kept expecting dale Winton or some other over enthusiastic celeb to pop up and offer me a chance to win loads of money by answering asinine questions.

Order and disorder has been restored….

I name this ship… The Titanic Returns…. and gawd bless all who blog on it….

I’m now off to my futon to reflect, perhaps watch Lewis, partly because a good friend’s the producer and partly because I like the body count in Britain’s ‘murder city of Oxford’ and to sleep….

GL…Easter is coming up…. this may or may not inspire you….

Jesus… to coin aphrase… I am committing apostrophe apostasy… mea culpa… I have sinned…

I must repent of this sin…immediately…

Of course… I meant to type ‘ a good friend is the producer’…..and not the horror above.. mea culpa… forgive me, bloggers, for I know not what I do…

Cardinal Charoni has insisted that I drink two glasses of bloody mary…. at least… that is what I think he said as he gave me an E-absolution (£18 + VAT / Relic for an extra £8 + VAT) on his new iPhone…. not a very good signal…

Nation speaks unto nation….

I have broadcast the good news on my blog… the least I could do…. In fact, Cardinal Charoni rang to suggest I did so or else he would have to dispense another Bloody Mary… and not let me come to the party after his Good Friday mass on Good Friday….. I may have the date wrong. It could be that he said the party was on Monday… that is the problem with being a druid and pagan. I really have no idea what Easter is all about -

Mind you…. all those shoppers at Bluewater or Lakeside Thurrock crowding in thisto buy Easter Eggs and garden furniture this coming weekend are unlikely to know much about Easter either… but there we are….

I gather that Brent Cross shopping centre is on The North Secular…. ?

I’m very grateful to you Charon. Perhaps your cousin the Cardinal can organise a celebratory mass? A have a few ideas for hymns: “For those in Peril on the Sea” sung in descant, always a fave of mine or perhaps ‘Jerusalem’? I’m not a Catholic myself, indeed I’d say I was more at the baby burning end of religion, but I think a good ceremony of whatever faith has a certain moment on such occasions.

We could knock up an exorcism… if that would help. … but my cousin said you would have to buy a relic of his e-relic website… Ok by you?

maybe. Gotta be something good mind, Finger of Christ, no fake crap either: I want kosher certificate of authenticity.

He can do a finger from an eighteenth century priest who turned wine into water… had his hand cut off by the locals who were not at all happy…. Charoni is keeping the really good stuff back for his retirment in canse God’s banker does not come good with the readies on retirement day.

Best he can do. Deal or no deal?

Welcome back young sweet Geekie. Huzzah I say for your battle against the DDoS and for winning it.

I did miss the google ads of this blog and the overly complex mathematical equations as your spam protector.

Ms R enters the blog. Looks around. There are a few disparate characters sitting around, some empty glasses and cigarette butts from last time. She finds a chair that isn’t broken and sits down. She waits. And waits. GL said he’d be here at this time. He promised. He had never broken his promises to her before, still there was always a first time.

“It’s about time you turned up you stupid,fucking slut. Now where were we…”

He was back

“It’s about time you turned up you stupid,fucking slut. Now where were we…

Hey, this place is the same fucking pig sty it was when I left a month ago! What the fuck have you been doing while I’ve been on my skiing holiday, bitch? I buy you designer knickers I expect you to earn them. What have you been doing? Just sitting around all day watching Neighbours on TV I suppose? Or screwing random truck drivers?

Get me a beer from the fridge and start cleaning up or I’ll belt you in the mouth. Oh and call one of my girlfriends in, I don’t care which one, I need a shag.
”

Yay!

Ms R began to unbutton her dress but it was too late..he tore it off

I regret… that the tone of this blog…. is such… that I have, finally, to draw a line in the sand, take the moral high ground, consider my position most carefully, and…. I’ll be in Scotland winning the Calcutta Cup afore ye.

I’m also worried that this blog may attract those who would define some of the posts and comments as ‘toxic’.

I read, today, in the financial press that JP Morgan Chase Fed has purchased Bear Stearns for 1 % of book value…. because of ‘toxic sub-prime’ investments.

GL… ‘Toxic’ is a great word… an epithet… a metaphor… an ideogram of our times… possibly even a symbol of UK Blawging?

Next time I am down at The Bollo I shall ask if they have anything ‘toxic’ for me to eat… I had rice with a few mushrooms thrown in tonight. They called it Risotto ai funghi with ‘Truffle Oil’.

I have a good nose…. I can smell truffle oil. In fact… I moonlight at Heathrow as a truffle oil sniffer for HMRC… and I have been very successful at taking nearly £100 million of truffle oil of the streets of West London and Notting Hill… It is a small thing that I do for our country - but anything that limits the supply of truffle oil to West London mediavotchniks… must be a step in the right direction?

The Bollo was ‘not guilty’ of putting truffle oil on my rice avec mushrooms… I’d have been better off bringing a sachet of Cuppa Soup and asking ‘chef’ to pour my cuppa soup onto the rice they cooked… and adding a bit of truffle oil which I keep at all times in my coat pocket. (A legitimate supply to enable me to calibrate my nose (Above)).

I’m sorry… compared to Heather Mill’s… problems trousering only 24.3 million quid today… and I will always worry if she is OK… my irritation about my rice and mushrooms tonight is not at all important.

In fact, so unimportant is my problem with the truffle oil-less rice with mushrooms tossed on.. top served up tonight as my dinner… that I am almost embarrassed to admit that I had to remind myself by reading The Independent… that there are rather more important things going on in Iraq, Afghanistan, Tibet, Darfur, and other parts of the world…

J’accuse myself ce soir… for the sin of thinking that my rice and mushrooms problem is a matter of importance…. I repent… It is a good time to do so… being Holy Week… innit?

Snow predicted for Easter…. and, as the old joke goes… between two eskimos… One says to the other … “They hav 50 words for snow down at the Groucho Club”.

Well… I am off to see if my futon is ready for me… and I will think of the 12 steps of the Cross… or was that 7 stations….

So that’s it’s been so hard to source my truffle oil never mind i’ve been trying this new Amanita Muscaria oil and my Risotto and they have taken on a whole new life.

Is it true that a certain lady blogger performed the Denial of Service attack on your blog because you… er… denied her service?

Or is that a rumour I just made up? I never can tell truth from fantasy, as a judge ruled very recently.

As a gentleman you’d hardly expect me to tell everyone this is true, would you?

‘Ms R began to unbutton her dress but it was too late..he tore it off’

he really shouldn’t have been wearing it in the first place - he’s not exactly your size, ms r!

SW: you can always be guaranteed to take the obtuse angle..Ms R enjoys it very much. #

GL is rubbish with buttons by the way - so impatient.

*preens somewhat*