February the 14th, Valentine’s day. It is the season of love: the time when Venus is drawn in a silk chariot to Chez Geeklawyer. To his astonishment Geeklawyer received only 3 valentines, and one valentine email, which doesn’t really count. Sadly not all were so fortunate.
MsRobinson, that finest and most fragrant flower of antipodean womanhood (that is, one who doesn’t get into bar fights or fart in bed), is bearing continuing fruit. She points Geeklawyer to the stories in The Times where poor old women (i.e. those over 29) complain about the declining availability and maturity of British manhood. “Why?” it is asked are British men so unwilling to commit? So unwilling to behave as adults rather than spoilt teen boys? All these men pretend to commitment and pursue concomitant obligation with the ardour that Geeklawyer would reserve for a Russian billionaire Oligarch who has acquired an interest in Intellectual Property: only to shy off when it is responded to. Why are they interested only in their mates, football and XBOX 360’s?
Women, it seems, think men are selfish because they can pass 30 without panicking that they will never be able to breed; that they can pull 20-something totty for casual no commitment great sex. They are thereby steeped in sin.
The thesis of William Leith is that changes in society mean that those who were once no longer desirable are now able to choose those women who have run out of choices. Woman need to be picky because they carry a foetus that picks up weight quicker than Ruthie if given a free “All You Can Eat for 6 months” ticket at the local Indian, whereas a man can splash sperm around like the Pope delivering the sacrament and remain free of consequence.
It seems the boot is now on the other foot: women now choose their careers; choose to have it all and find themselves in possession of a career but an empty bed, and a womb with a sign saying “space to let - no unreasonable offer refused“. And of course the geeks are now seen to be less than a laughable option: good solid well paid jobs - reliability and an inexperience with women that makes them easy to manipulate dominate and nag into servility.
Geeklawyer is at the top of the desirability pile, as far as women are concerned: young, slim, good looking, rich, ultra-bright, witty and with the sort of sexual prowess and stamina that would make Warren Beatty lose his erection. But take heart dear totty. Even Geeklawyer can be taken with an irrational attraction to elderly women of 34 who are tubby, highly strung, mercurial and at the bottom of the professional pile.
Of course it helps if you totty out there are perverted in bed, but that is a tale for another video.
The moral? You want a moral? Life has no moral: it’s about doing stuff until you die.
“Geeklawyer is at the top of the desirability pile, as far as women are concerned: young, slim, good looking, rich, ultra-bright, witty and with the sort of sexual prowess and stamina that would make Warren Beatty lose his erection.”
Darling Geek that’s what I tell these girls who pine for you: you simply do not need goods that are not fit for purpose - when that purpose is having your filthy ways with young totty. Ok, sure if the 32 year old’s father was the Russian Oligarch with an interest in intellectual property that might work but really, what’s the fucking point when you’re so hot? If I wasn’t your sister…
Dearest Evil Sister - all good empires are built on incest, ask any Pharaoh.
While Ruthie was visiting me here in the Colonies just a few short days ago (oh how time flies when there is no Ruthie around to entertain one) we discussed this issue - sort of.
There was a newspaper article published here in early February that scientists have found a way to synthesize sperm from bone marrow. So if a lady had sperm synthesized out of her own marrow she would only have a girl, as the chromosones would be the same as the bone marrow.
Now I don’t want to crush your delicate little bubble dearest Geeklawyer, but if women want babies they no longer need men - they can procreate on their own without having to resort to cheap and meaningless sex found in pubs and dance clubs.
On the other hand, I do have to agree, Geeks can be very desirable companions. I’ve had 2 geeks in my life and both were pretty good partners. The fact they don’t tend to piss their dosh away in discos and pubs at the rate of a trickling penis makes them quite desirable — economically. Plus they can be quite loyal and enjoy their own free time, which is great for ladies (like me) who like to have their own personal time.
So I don’t think Ruthie has anything to worry about, nor other ladies… we can get a lab to synthesize the required sperm.
I spoke not of that she devil
Scientists are a long way from synthesizing human sperm in a viable manner.
My Dear Geek,
While various and sundry lady readers of this blog are in no doubt that you are indeed young, rich, slim, ultra bright, witty, and in posession of the sort of equipment which would put the Empire State Building to shame, to say nothing of the staying power of a triathlete, I do have to say that evidence is severely lacking as to the extent of your good looks, since the sketch on Face Book, which I assume is a true representation of yourself, and indeed on your blog, really does nothing for you. Indeed, it gives the viewer an overhwelming impression that you are rather constipated. To this end, may I recommend a bar of Ex Lax Chocolate forthwith…..
Lawminx: I’m a bit worried you are the second female reader to say this - Jenny B said almost exactly the same. I rather like the cartoon. It was done when I was in Lithuania and I was smiling not grimacing or suffering constipation as some have said.
Clearly I shall have to get at a new picture that reflects my beauty and modesty.
‘I was smiling’
If it’s the same drawing that I’ve seen, I thought it was George Michael laughing about the forthcoming Wham! re-union
Thought I’d better get there before Simple Sam did….
It’s your pencil dick and peurile mind that put me off.
hmm. With Whom did I have sex?
No, don’t get a new picture. I’m having a hard time with those re routed phone calls on your behalf as it is. If they really knew how dashing and delicious you were I wouldn’t be able to cope.
BTW if you want me to deal with those young things you kick out of bed, can you get me an assistant? I have a life too.
GL, it can’t be you: You wouldn’t fuck someone who couldn’t spell.
Puerile…not peurile
Strewth MsR it’s all me me me with you isn’t it? I thought you’d enjoy me tossing these strumpets for you to play with.
Depends on whether she has money. Anyway I sometimes have sex with myself, and I ocasionaly mispell.
And make rude comments on your own blog..
Dear Mr Greeklawyer,
It is unbecoming to comment on a lady’s charms in public in this manner.
It is not what you said when we were together. Nor did I then notice the Eiffel Tower, although I do believe I caught a short glimpse of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
No wonder I prefer the charms of Mistress Ruthie. Aaahhh….
VM
I have edited the post to be less intemperate - posted when drunk and in a bad mood. Hopefully it is now merely rude rather than offensive.
I can’t imagine how you saw my Leaning Tower: you would do well to learn how to behave in polite society from Miss Bronte’s fine novels. Peering into pissoirs will earn you the sort of reputation that will be hard to lose. What then of your prospects of a man with £20,000 a year?
” …an irrational attraction to elderly women of 34 who are tubby, highly strung, mercurial and at the bottom of the professional pile.
Of course it helps if you totty out there are perverted in bed, but that is a tale for another video”
34 is elderly??
In a woman, 34 isn’t even close to her prime.
My Dear Freddy,
Have you not realised that, unless said totty is WELL beneath the age of 34, super SUPER skinny, exceptionally leggy, Blonde, Ditzy and in posession of the sort of pneumatic boobs that even the finest aesthetic plastic surgeon can only fantasise about, Geek is quite likely to run the proverbial mile ( with a rocket situated in a highly un-natural place, just for that EXTRA turn of speed)……
Freddy, the charms of an elder woman are a matter of personal preference but it is perilously close to the menopause.
Lawminx has me right: I am thoroughly superficial. I demand only that my girlfriends are ex-supermodels at no more than size 1. Dizzy however is a massive disadvantage.
My Dear Geek,
Bieng the unprincipled, and indeed, shallow, individual that you are when it comes to matters of the opposite sex, I am truly stunned by the revelation that you believe ‘Ditzy’ to be a massive disadvantage as an attractive quality in the opposite sex; I did not realise that, when it came to the nitty gritty, as it were - before, during and after- you require the company of an intelligent and thoughtful conversationalist in addition to all the aforementioned qualities; is this not a truly impossible combination?!?
I resent that: I am shallow in all matters.
It is not an impossible combination for I have tasted it in one or two rare dishes.
” One or Two Rare Dishes”
Precisely - and, no doubt, as rare as Chicken’s Teeth….!
My Dear Geek,
It is cruel to disappoint your female readers.
Of course as GL’s Evil Sister I am without peer and, alas, that is why the poor fellow is doomed to keep searching for the rest of his life.
They will always be compared and found wanting and Geek will end up sad and lonely.
I blame myself.
If GL is destined to be alone then he needs a cat as his life companion. Then he can enter his dotage, enslaved to a tiny feline overlord.
I’ll never be alone - I always keep a friend in the basement, in case my living friends desert me.
My Dear Geek
When you say that you keep a “friend” in the basement, I assume that it is one of these:
http://www.realdoll.com/
Somehow, such a creation seems so very you!
No, not really that, though it looks fun.
Rather, this
Ahhhh - Taking the concept of Size Zero to the extreme, I see…….
I assure you that like his other friends, my brother’s friends in the basement are all imaginary. But he’s happy down there so we let him play.