Appar­ently the poor folk of New­port were so threat­ened by the fuax penis of an arty man­nequin in a shop win­dow that they com­plained to coun­cil job­sworths. These then whinged to Police and Com­mu­nity Sup­port offi­cers who in turn told the shop own­ers that they faced pros­e­cu­tion for caus­ing “alarm harass­ment and dis­tress” to passers under sec­tion 5 of the Pub­lic Order Act. Although now the police, fear­ing mock­ery, are adamant that they merely advised of a pos­si­bil­ity and that there was no threat of pros­e­cu­tion. Honest.

This is not, of course, the first time out­ra­geous art has been sub­ject to twee busy­body tut tut­ting, nor one imag­ines the last. Now that we have finally defeated crime the author­i­ties are prop­erly turn­ing their atten­tion to the immoral and inde­cent, egged on by the vig­i­lant cul­tured cit­i­zens of Newport.

And thank heav­ens for that. If one is a mem­ber of the final unfor­tu­nate few to be mugged in the high street late at night by some drunken taffy chav, the very last thing that one wishes is to have ones last moments on earth sul­lied by is the sight of a mannequin’s penis.

Dying with dig­nity is the ulti­mate human right.