Apparently the poor folk of Newport were so threatened by the fuax penis of an arty mannequin in a shop window that they complained to council jobsworths. These then whinged to Police and Community Support officers who in turn told the shop owners that they faced prosecution for causing “alarm harassment and distress” to passers under section 5 of the Public Order Act. Although now the police, fearing mockery, are adamant that they merely advised of a possibility and that there was no threat of prosecution. Honest.
This is not, of course, the first time outrageous art has been subject to twee busybody tut tutting, nor one imagines the last. Now that we have finally defeated crime the authorities are properly turning their attention to the immoral and indecent, egged on by the vigilant cultured citizens of Newport.
And thank heavens for that. If one is a member of the final unfortunate few to be mugged in the high street late at night by some drunken taffy chav, the very last thing that one wishes is to have ones last moments on earth sullied by is the sight of a mannequin’s penis.
Dying with dignity is the ultimate human right.
I don’t mind the idea of culture police going around and removing offensive items. The problem is merely a lack of taste amongst the class background of most of these police. Being an egalitarian I do think that these thick tasteless police monkeys can learn given the appropriate time and training. Only then once perfected these champions of culture can be let lose to reform our degenerate society. A society that has been soiled by the capitalist free market pandering to the poor tastes of the masses.
Here are a few ideas:
Woolworths will be transformed, the pick and mix section will be replaced by an olive bar.
Eating in the street will be outlawed
All recorded music will be banned, allowing only live performances.
Vulgarism, such as spitting or chewing gum will be punishable with anti-cultured behavior orders.
Redtop newspapers, Celebrity magazines, Books on the Richard and Judy recommendation list and Jamie Oliver will be burnt on a bonfire.
ITV will be banned
Advertising will be banned, and laws will be past about what public art can be displayed in public.
All non-organic Christmas decorations will be outlawed
There will be a strict code on garden ornaments displayed in front gardens. No Gnomes, Plastic hedgehogs etc.
Ringtones will be restricted to an approved list e.g. The Magic flute, some folk tunes, or traditional ringing sound of a 1930s phone.