Alarming news: Ruthie was supposed to meat Dan Hull in Salt Lake (wait, what?!) Thursday evening. The Mariott was the venue for the first interaction between Yank and Brit Bloggers. Self-confessed horny Dan Hull wails that she hasn't shown up as of this Friday morning.
Don't worry Dan that's a standard Ruthie trick: she takes being fashionably late to extremes; to raise the expectations on our dinner dates she doesn't usually turn up until the bill arrives - that suits us both.
Of course if she is missing then perhaps she is dead? Perhaps Dan slept with her, then in the morning he rolled over and filled with disgust at his lapse throttled her and buried her in the desert.
Hell, it's America - live the dream Dan, live the dream.
Or perhaps she is in the Hull-McGuire basement forced to have repeated deviant sex with all Dan's rich young lawyers. No, the basement door isn't locked & she knows it.
But what if she is dead? then Geeklawyer says that he feels spiritually richer for having know her.
But even more so financially, since she left him everything in her will. Every lining has a silver cloud.
Hmm: looks like Dan hasn't just killed Ruthie.
This is, indeed, a matter of serious concern. Have you sent out a search party?
I met Dan at the London Marriott Hotel and did a podcast with him... but I accept that I am a Scot and, therefore, may not be a Brit Blogger... In fact, I am not really a blogger at all... come to think of it.
How did you know about the basement? I am impressed. Really am....did CQC tell you?
Anyway, thanks for the concern--I'll be ok. If Ruthie never arrives, I'll make do.
Never fear, I am alive and well, albeit my experience in the States was more
interesting than I had anticipated. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abduction_phenomenon
If I'd known about the risks of travelling in the American heartland I would have
invested in one of these: http://stopabductions.com/
Still GL its nice to know that you at least were concerned about my whereabouts and
liable to make enquiries and launch a search party in the event that I didn't appear. x
Oh and also to Charon who missed me as well... x
Dan: I am insulted you think I would be stupid enough to fall for this old trick: kill the girl and make blog posts in her name to throw me off the trail. It won't work.
I repeat: I will work with you, and not grass you up to the filth, but my hourly rates will be subject to a significant loading to compensate me for the loss of Ruthie: i.e. £255 an hour rather than £250. I'm sorry it is non-negotiable, however painful.
Mistress Ruthie is alive. Oh joy, oh rapture.
However, she must be both remarkably tired and remarkably jet lagged as she tell me that she has dreamed of having an affair with someone even odder than Dan's Emu, minor junior or even yourself.
If you're telling me Ruthie behaved as a whore while in the US I can say only that it comes as no surprise
That would be insulting to whores--the woman's more like a Simian Jackal in heat.
My lips are sealed. Mmmmmmmm
Uhh perhaps its time to clear up a few misunderstandings...
My week was spent with a God fearing Kansas family on a Rotary exchange.
I visited the Truman museum, Harley Davidson factory, American Airlines plant, Kansas
Jazz museum and local baseball pitch. Oh and I went to church.
Dan never made it citing too much work.
I've still yet to meet VM.
So any comments about my libidio I'm afraid are just so much wishful thinking...
Much the best kind...
Methinks you protest too much to be believed.
dan: simian jackel in heat? I think that's your frustrated libido speaking. shameshame
GL: it's quite heartwarming to know that you still care about Ruthie's well-being. It warms the wee corners of my heart to know that you still cherish our beloved Ruthie.
Nah, I deny it. Had she been killed I was planning to take over her blog as well as realise & extinguish her estate. Unfortunately she is alive and well. Bollocks.
Dear Mr Greeklawyer,
I trust you realise that I do not come with the blog?
I hoped you to be an indentured coblogger & therefore the property of any new owner.
You guys don't OWN your co-bloggers and employees?
Ruthie didn't tie VM into a compact so it seems; despite my advice. And look at the consequence - a coblogger out of control knowing there are contractual sanctions. She has not right to administer undeserved and vicious whippings that are the hallmark of good coblogging discipline; they have to be voluntary - thank heavens for her VM seems to accept them so very willingly.
I declined to own Ruthie when she blogged for me due to tax reasons.
Breakthrough in Real Evidence for Alien Abductions
Proof of the alien abduction phenomenon was achieved in January, 2007, when it was demonstrated that people claiming to be abducted by aliens actually receive a microwave signal. The signal was obtained by taking voltage readings with a standard multimeter from Velostat, the shielding material comprising a thought screen helmet and from the material itself. The material, called Velostat, is made by 3M.
This is the first time that standard electronic instruments showed that people claiming to be abducted by aliens actually receive a microwave signal. The helmets are called Thought Screen Helmets by inventor Michael Menkin. The helmets scramble the signal thus stopping communication between aliens and humans, Menkin claims. He has been making helmets and sending them to people abducted by aliens for eight years.
Although the source of the signals cannot be established, they can be considered positive evidence of alien abduction activity and they refute both skeptics and ufo investigators who claim that alien abductions are paranormal or supernatural. Any abduction victim with Velostat and a multimeter can obtain a reading which indicates a signal is being sent to them, Menkin claims.
Thought screens were originated by science fiction writer E.E. Doc Smith. Michael Menkin invented real thought screens in 1999. After a year of testing different materials, Menkin found that hats containing Velostat did stop aliens from abducting humans.
These breakthrough tests were obtained by a man in the United Kingdom who measured current from a thought screen helmet and from a piece of Velostat while he was wearing another thought screen helmet. The man had a history of being abducted by aliens. No current could be obtained from the other materials which he tested. The test cannot be performed by people who are not abductees because they don't receive such a signal.
Using his own funds, Menkin has made and sent thought screen helmets to people all over the world for eight years. For photos of meter readings that may indicate an alien signal see stopabductions.com. The site provides instructions for making successful thought screens. See Menkin's other site, aliensandchildren.org for information and other evidence of alien abductions.
For more information contact inventor Michael Menkin at mmenkin@hotmail.com.
The only problem is that I would need to wear my wig on top when I am in court.
But since there are no thoughts in your head it wouldn't really be useful anyway. And anyway, if these aliens will run around abducting people they'll eventually kidnap someone like Ruthie then they'll get what's coming to them: pain boredom & death.