Mr Hull to you, of course. Dan has been sighted in London again; it appears that he lives on board a 747 so frequent are his sojourns to Dear Old Blighty.
This time he is visiting ex-pat US lawyers in London and also the London Stone. The latter Geeklawyer had never heard of before - supposedly it is some sort of druidic thingy, Druids were always stoned. Geeklawyer isn’t that impressed: the only good use for a stone is weighing down the bag full of one’s daughter’s kittens when it is thrown in a stream.
Perplexingly, Dan, an otherwise savvy Californian lawyer regrets not being able to meet Ruthie while over here:
“Ruthie–I am crushed at your refusal to do me–uh, meet me–at the Stone at high noon.”,
He pined on his blog.
He even described her as “talented, alluring“. Ruthie’s only talent is luring; men to their madness and destruction. Geeklawyer, honourably and with good intent, warned him of that:
“Beware Dan.
Since you have, in the past, been generous in your praise I shall gift you a warning. Ruthie is the female equivalent of Geeklawyer. Except that she has more testosterone, concentrated depravity and vitriol seeping from her pores than The Dark Lord.
Meet her in London and Ruthie will have you stripped right down to your wallet before the words “hello Ruthie nice to meet …” have finished echoing off the wall 20 feet away.
All that will remain of you will be a smoking cowboy hat and an asthmatic American Express card (with an alarmed Amex SWAT team hoping to ameliorate the damage to the American economy). If I arrive in time tenderness and fellow feeling will allow me to dispatch you mercifully so as to alleviate your pain.
And if you value LA girlfriend do NOT bring her to London. Ruthie’s idle time is spent on any hapless impediment to her nefarious designs. For her, a rival mistress is a game to be played with a scalpel and salt over a period of 48 hours in a soundproof cellar.
Posted by: Geeklawyer at March 5, 2007 09:07 AM“
Geeklawyer thinks that this warning was a noble act since Ruthie will surely have her revenge for his attempts to save a victim. His private interventions with Ruthie to save Dan must remain a secret locked within Chamber’s vaults. Let us merely say that she melted screaming back into the night, hissing through her vampyric fangs.
So why did it not work? Dark potions and spells. And well minced kittens.
This is quite funny. And whilst Ruthies love life is of course fascinating, I’ve suggested that on occasion Geeklawyer might just consider writing something about the law.
I met up with Dan… interviewed him for Podcast Number 5 -= thoroughly enjoyed meeting him - and his content was good. he even managed to talk about ‘hats’ - but, I fear, he needs to have ‘words’ with Ruthie.
Very interesting guy. How he managed to do an interview with jet lag - I don’t know. Good to meet him. He gave me a bottle of Rioja - which, of course, was much appreciated.
If you have time.. listen to the podcast. I even manage to shoehorn in a bit about the UK Bloggers Conference….
Ahem….Ms Ruthie, we need to talk. Hats indeed. I’ll show you a hat.
Am coming to appreciate “LA Ellen” more–along with my cat, goldfish, and late-60s style bong collection. Will hold onto all for now…besides, Ellen makes has more $ than me.
Am in Paris–still pining away…Ruthie has not called. Otherwise this trip has been perfect. And Druidy.
Curious Dan, I was only thinking about you today. (Don’t get excited - we both had our clothes on). I would call you if I had your number, I note that I sent you an e mail and you didn’t respond! Shame cos I would like to have been in Paris for my birthday today.
The offer still stands Dan: a swap & cash adjustment either way for LA Ellen, & I’ll even throw in a vintage 60’s bong from Amsterdam.
Or you can rent her at a competitive rate for a dirty weekend: email me for details.
Happy Birthday, Ruthie…and sorry I am slow on e-mails…will get to it….I have associates I flog to check them for me when I travel… and I have been cat-ing around–er, having important meetings–in Paris. Dan
GL: What would just 2 hours cost? And can she pay Me? Dan
I once hired a high-class call girl for a weekends entertainment of a client as part of buttering him up for a telecoms deal in the Far-East. And when I say ‘butter up’ if you’ve seen Last Tango in Paris you’ll know what she had to do for him.
I’m sure that level of client service gets the WAC ‘thumbs up’.
My recollection was that the hooker was £2000 a day. So assuming a 12 hour working day that’d be £333/hr, after inflation maybe £550/hr. So factoring in quality of ’service’, say, £5,550 would be a reasonable charge for Ruthie. Cash only. No refunds. Travel & accommodation expenses not included.
Of course if you can only manage 2 hours she may be unhappy …
BTW, can you video the associate floggings? I haven’t done this to a pupil for a while and I rather miss it: we aren’t allowed to any more in the UK. Damned liberal lawmakers & their anti-slavery laws. It’s political correctness gone mad.
Dan: are you worth it? And before agreeing you should be aware that I have boundless energy and specialised tastes
2 hours of what? GL will tell you I do a good line in nagging. Although I believe in America it is described as “lifestyle consultancy services” and people pay a lot of money to have other people tell them how to live their lives. Ruthie never ceases to be amazed at how people in America pay for services that get provided in this country for free. For example “therapy” is what I get from my friends for the price of a pint of beer when I go down the pub. I tell them my problems and they either sympathise or give advice. How many therapists are there in sub-saharan Africa? Americans have got way too much time and money to worry about themselves. Ruthie admits that it tends to be New Yorkers however, Californians are just a bunch of hippies.
So GL, instead of moaning next time I nag you, just think how much money you would have to pay for someone to do it professionally.
When Ruthie was a trainee she was offered 1000 a night to provide “services” (not the legal kind). Good money for a trainee, but Ruthie still decided on balance that supplementing her income with a data entry job at five quid an hour was still preferable to potentially being roughly buggered by a stranger. I’ve read a lot of articles about “high class” prostitutes lately, and what a great job apparently it is as a consort for rich businessmen. Ruthie is not convinced. Fine, but if they start to misbehave, what do you do? Call the police? Sadly Ruthie has also heard that a lot of law students, trainees and pupils are resorting to prostitution to try and pay the fees. I dont judge them, just think its tragic that funding has got to such a state that they are resorting to such desperate measures.
So Ruthie is not for sale. You could just hire me for my company for a couple of hours at my normal hourly rate (very reasonable) and for that I’ll even throw in some legal advice, but the quickest way to get my attention is to bribe me with food (GL will attest to this). Ruthie would love a part-time job as a restaurant critic (they call that work?)
In the meantime, lets start as we mean to go on. GL wisely refers to me on occasion as “Bitch Goddess Ruthie” but for you Dan “Princess Ruthie” will do just fine.
pffff.
While I am very very drunk - super rock & roll party, I still cannot allow a loyal reader such as Dan to be deceived: understand Ruthie’s comment for what it is; a sales pitch “I’m mega exclusive & so worth extra money”.
But for all his distain Geeklawyer felt the need to check whether you had actually offered me a Harley Davidson and a Californian Beachfront property.