Consilio writer Lucy Trevelyan tells the sorry tale of the demise of the right to forthright speech in Blair's 'Respect'(TM) Britain.
Kurt Walker made the mistake to reply "fuck all" when asked by a friend in a private conversation held in a public place what he was up to.
Mistake. A passing waste of space, WPC Busybody, issues an £80 on the spot fine of £80 for swearing under the Public Order Act. Councillor Julie Rook from Dover District Council made a total arse of herself in attempting to justify it:
Swearing and abusive behaviour certainly is not normal behaviour and I feel it should never be used in a public place."
I mean, really, what? Who had Dover District Council's brain cell that day? How utterly and cretinously fucking idiotic can one person be in a single sentence. Perhaps Rook passes her days in the gentile company of the Queen or the Society of Very Nice People but she is clearly an unutterable imbecile.
Swearing is entirely normal and often entirely acceptable.
Anyone passing along the Queens highway will attest to that. Swearing while sometimes inappropriate is often a useful concise robust summary of an opinion. It can be wealded by the thuggish and inarticulate in the manner of a verbal club. And from such usage Rook forms her twee snobbish prejudices, as presumably did WPC Busybody.
Equally as when deployed by erudite it can be an articulate and forensic rapier. Who would argue with Chaucer or Shakespeare's use of it? Why, Rook and the imbeciles of Kent cunstabulary of course. No doubt these fellows would have wound up before the assizes for assaulting English literature and it's gentile decency.
But of course this tosh is symbolic of modern Britain. The offending Public Order Act was introduced the enable Blair's Respect agenda, which was in turn designed to transform our society into a decent polite respectable well ordered and orderly vision of placid societal obedience. At its core it reflects the folly of giving the police and other state bodies judicial authority: decisions degenerates into the expression of petty prejudices and over intrusiveness of self important jobsworths.
In years gone by that dozy copperette would have passed on by because the effort of questioning Walker writing it up and summoning him to a magistrates would have been too much. Now it is trivial and as a result footling pointless trivia like this is imposed on us all by jobsworth fuckwits like Rook and WPC Busybody.
And if it applies to writing also, as by logic it must, then I owe someone £1,280. And if they think that, they can shove it up their fucking arse. £1440.
Ruthie was in her local pub recently after a vigourous rugby training session and noticed a post it note on the games machine bearing the one word legend "Fucked". She was initially surprised but after further reflection took the view that the expression "fucked" is a model of clarity comprehensibility and economy of expression compared to the more common but cumbersome "out of order". Everyone knew what it meant, no-one was offended, why use three words when one will do? Isn't that what the government had in mind when they insisted that the new Coroners Bill must have an accompanying plain english commentary? If law was that easy to understand you wouldn't need to pay lawyers.
I can't wait to see the first Coroner's verdict to conclude that the deceased shuffled off this mortal coil because his kidneys (or whatever) were completely fucked.
As you say, it's all there, concise and unambiguous.