Reader Gareth recently made the offensive and defamatory suggestion that Geeklawyer is so desperate and shortsighted that he may be having an affair with Ruthie. Well he was nearly right except that the object of his affection is the Woking law firm Buglear Bate who’s gloriously insouciant website is, he will reluctantly admit, even better than equal to his own. It recently won the award of ‘best legal website ever‘. Don’t be fooled by the cunning retro mid-90’s amateurish design: this site contains some stunning insights and advice:
Tip on costs: … your solicitor … will charge … (actually, usually in 6-minute chunks) for all time spent on the case … Try, therefore, to … Avoid general chats about the iniquities of your opponent, the judge, the legal system generally unless it’s relevant … The solicitor, being a polite and charming individual, will listen sympathetically but expensively … Save the chat for your friends & family. They may be less charming but they are usually cheaper.
Good advice but which won’t help Geeklawyer to buy another yacht and Bentley Continental.
On kids in divorce:
… A tricky question, but they have to sleep somewhere. Is a solicitor necessary for this? Well, we are better at winding everyone up than most people…
On the allure of being a solicitor-advocate as motivation:
Oh, the glamour of mixing with estate agents; the travel; the wild call of a well-drawn leasehold enfranchisement notice; and, deep down, the social commitment. Money is entirely secondary.
On doing legal aid:
Does Buglear Bate do legal aid?
Er… no. We used to, but we got too used to living indoors and eating.
On dealing with solicitors (equally applicable to the Bar - but since we are posher than solicitors add in plenty of forlock tugging and an extra dollop of deference to your social betters):
- Avoid violence unless absolutely necessary (particularly important in Geeklawyer’s case since he is trained in Karate and also always has weapons close to hand). Avoid eye contact, displays of emotion or sudden movements near your solicitor (eye contact demonstrates a lack of deference & most lawyers regard emotional clients with pity and contempt: these will result in you being charged more for a poorer service.)
- Give your solicitor gifts and small treats from time to time. It helps maintain his/her attention. (A yacht is always welcome, as is a bevy of underage hookers for the weekend or a kilo of cocaine)
- Make frequent unsolicited large payments on account of legal expenses.
- Emphasize that as far as you’re concerned it’s not the winning or losing but the taking part that’s important
Hats off to Brucey and Batey. A pity they don’t do IP or IT law.
- Stupid bot! - I try to...
Ruthie was very impressed with this site. Most law firms seem so desperate to impress and so afraid of offending anyone that their sites are utterly bland and indistiguishable from one another. Lawyers forget that clients are human beings, and if they need to consult a solicitor, human beings with problems. Therefore a sense of humour and pragmatism may be of more practical help than an extensive knowledge of case law.