Tis somewhat juvenile, but … (Whisky Competition)

Master Cantrell has alerted Geeklawyer to National Rail’s hilarious experiment with Artificial Intelligence for train information. It/She is called Lisa.

Any Unix geek reading will be familiar with the entertaining AI in the Emacs editor (of the same name GL thinks?). Abusive questions are, of course, inevitable:

“You asked:
You look bored? Are you wearing knickers?
Lisa says:
I’m afraid my specialty is traveling by train and I cannot answer questions about clothing.”

You give me that ‘come to bed’ look and then come on all coy? Prickteaser.

You asked:
I would like a threesome with my VM and Ruthie how can I persuade them?
Lisa says:
Don’t mind me, I’ll just wait here for your next question.
(OK, so Ruthie’s got to you too, eh?)

You asked:
I would like to plant a bomb in order to commit a terrorist outrage for Al Queda. Which would be the best station, and what would be the most effective technique?
Lisa says:
This site is not monitored and your message has not been read. If you need urgent police assistance, call 999, to report any suspicious activity call the anti-terrorism hotline on 0800 789 321, or for all non-urgent police matters relating to the Rail Network call British Transport Police on 0800 405040.

Geeklawyer will give a bottle of whisky away as the prize for the best question & answer from Lisa. Post your entries below. An arbitrary and probably unfair judgment will be given in a week.

Finally!! Finished case preparation for a judicial review

Not done a JR before. Boy was it a lot of work. I hadn’t read an administrative law book since university,
that was a week of client money, then all the adjectival stuff - another week - then a week reading papers.

Thank fuck I’m not the one paying.

Barrister tries alternative dispute resolution. Uses bullets: my dear fellow, you’re doing it all wrong

Mark Saunders, a family law/divorce barrister it seems, was killed in a shoot out with armed police in London. It all happened near Geeklawyer’s old flat in the Kings Road as it happens, nice area but if there is much more gun-play people will presumably migrate to somewhere less dangerous; Peckham, say.

It seems that he was having a bit of a totty tiff with his wife and decided to take pot shots at the neighbours with a shotgun. Despite, or perhaps because of?, being an ex-member of the territorial army he didn’t even manage to hit anyone. Still, it gave SO13 a fun day out.

Best quote of the day about him:

His entry in Chambers & Partners Guide to the Legal Profession said: “Mark Saunders enters the up-and-coming category after a volley of praise.

Chambers will perhaps amend it now to add:

“but he departed it after a volley of bullets.” (Too soon?)

Geeklawyer decided not to use his “Random Fire” blog tag for this story: one must be sensitive.

The law of intended consequences?

Geeklawyer was a trifle amused by the story of an accused being able to retain £14million following a botched civil seizure action by the government. As outlined here the government lost a case because it wouldn’t pay barristers a proper rate. No barrister would accept the defendants brief so he had to defend himself while the state had an army of lawyers. The judge said this was an abuse of process. No fucking shit Sherlock: reverse the burden of proof deprive the accused of the means of defending himself.

The governments robbery scheme seems to have been undermined by the own parsimony. Idiots.

Lawblog 2008

A confession is required: Geeklawyer has been so busy this year he hasn’t had time to do anything for the conference. Given also the disappointing drop off of UK lawyers blogging there is also the question of attendance which it must be feared would be sparse.

The suggestion has been made and accepted, therefore, that a less formal perhaps smaller do should be organised in London pub. There we can eschew the pretense of a professional grown up conference (that’ll be next year honest) and just drink beer and gossip.

Central London. Late August?

Stupid cunts

Geeklawyer had thought that feminism was a joke that after 25 years was confined to history and the odd nostalgic memory of decaying overweight women with sagging breasts and moustaches.

He was right (thanks abovethelaw).

Apparently a bunch of strapon wearing bull-dyke feminist law professors are asserting that lying to a woman in order to give her the pleasure of one’s Pork Sword is rape. American professors are a breed with less intellectual credentials than one would accept in the UK. Across the pond ‘Professor’ is merely a job title rather than, as it is here, a recognition of intellectual prowess.

No fuckin’ shit.

The lesbo’s here engage in the usual man hating ‘nod nod wink wink‘ crap about all men conspiring to do down rape and subjugate women. Geeklawyer finds this tosh amusingly retro but thinks that perhaps we should let the 1980’s have their political outrage back. Yes?

A Lessig fanboy responds

Geeklawyer attended the, surprisingly and very disappointingly lightly attended, SCL annual lecture at the IET on Wednesday to hear Professor Lawrence Lessig’s thoughtful Corruption 2.0 talk. That very light attendance bore an ominous portent for his theme, to which GL shall return shortly.

As an aside Geeklawyer really would recommend everyone, IT/IP/whatever lawyer or geek regardless, putting the SCL on their RSS feed to spot coming talks. He has never yet been to one that sucks; at least other than the one he was invited to speak at last year & even that only sucked for his part (yes, don’t you hate false modesty?) And Geeklawyer was charmed by Pangloss’ blog post:

“… any opportunity to see Our Greatest Living Forehead perform … is too good to miss. Most of London’s IT law royalty seem to have agreed, as they were out in force, with everyone to gossip to from Richard Susskind to Chris Reed to blog king Geeklawyer …”

(in descending order obv., but nonetheless confirming Geeklawyer’s view of Professor Lilian Edwards as having unquestionable judgement.) Comments on the UK blawgosphere (sorry) so far have been somewhat mixed. Alex Newson seemed underwhelmed overall. He is from up North and, so far as Geeklawyer knows, didn’t go to a university in the South but nonetheless his view is to be respected with that qualification in mind.

Young Alex (who is currently learning to shave, so callow is his youth) took the view that Larry was likely to repeat the mistake of naivete. Well, goodness: a world without idealism would be a bleak place indeed; one whose tenancy was possessed (in common perhaps?) by your author, Alex and political lobbyists. The benefit of ivory tower academics is that while we lawyer grunts snuffle in the trough, they say what it ought to be like; charming and motivational. Alex’s thesis is that Lessig failed through an, admitted, obsession with academic rigour rather than tactical effectiveness. He says:

” A friend who attended the Lecture overheard another audience member comment: “It’s all very well, but doesn’t Larry realise that the world just doesn’t *work* like that?”

One suspects that he does, very much, realise that. Geeklawyer does not agree with Alex that these approaches are mutually and inevitably exclusive. The idea that corruption is so endemic and embedded as to be incapable of effective and non-token challenge is abhorrent to all democrats

To argue, as does Alex, that one needs to promote the idea of ‘Freedom’ rather than anti-corruption is to argue that eating hot curry is better than watching the Simpsons: there is no comparison, they have nothing in common.

Lessig did exhort geeks (and seemed to hint also at activist IP/IT lawyers? :) ) to take up the baton to combat corruption. Corruption here being of the good old fashion lobbyist advice that when deciding policy one should “go green”: not green as in ecology, but green as in the colour of the dollar that might land in some politician’s bank account.

Lilian Edwards’ article rather sadly resonated with Geeklawyer’s real world experience that Geeks prefer to huff and puff than act. In part this from inexperience. Most geeks deal with binary decisions: “if ($thing) then do {$otherthing} else {$otherthing}”, fuzzy ’sort of’ decisions they don’t do so well. But, in fact, that is not any longer utterly true: the Open Rights Group takes it’s base support from clued up geeks and many are prepared to participate in politics via, e.g., any one of Tom Steinberg’s billion MySociety sites such as “Write to Them” or Harry Metcalfe’s “Tell Them What you Think“.

Nonetheless, Lilian’s point is well made and Geeklawyer struggled somewhat to imagine what it was that would make geeks do rather than talk. Perhaps it is unfair to single geeks out since many political activists bemoan the lethargy of the Lowing Herd. Perhaps geeks need to become more effective at adopting the tools needed to inform politicians to abrogate the malign influence of ‘green(back)’ lobbyists. It is a cultural change and Geeklawyer doesn’t think that the Asperger tendencies of geeks prevents them from engaging with the process, indeed perhaps exactly the opposite; but they just seem to know the need, and how to pull the levers.

Other than that the problem seems to be the general one of engaging the populous with the issues that affect them, not an easy issue. Lessig may be facing a more formidable challenge in this than he did with the Eldred case.

Of course, the dour Calvinist abstemious Geeklawyer is not all about earnest debate and high minded discourse. After the Talk he was persuaded and deceived by the corrupt debase and amoral Martin Keegan to attend the CellarDoor (a converted toilet apparently) in the Strand. In this vile den of iniquity he was unwillingly coerced into consuming a significant quantity of cocktails such that he became a tad intoxicated. Oh the shame.

Above all you must understand that Geeklawyer has not given a positive review of Lessig merely because he signed Geeklawyer’s copy of “the Future of Ideas” which you should buy rather than engage in any of that silly communist Creative Commons downloading tosh.

MsR as an agony aunt?! WTF!

Geeklawyer fangirl Miss Robinson has a very promising looking column at hereisthecity.com as an agony aunt. She seems to be encountering some very odd people in indeed and despatches them in the merciless style they deserve.

Do pop along and watch, but remember not to throw peanuts.

Geeklawyer visits the bottom end of the profession & nearly destroys a large criminal trial

Ruthie was, as many were aware, recently pretending to be junior counsel in a multi-million pound criminal trial that Geeklawyer visited as it was drawing to its inevitable conclusion. In fact it nearly drew to a conclusion more rapidly as a result of Geeklawyer’s friendly visit.

Geeklawyer had merely intended to show up, provide Ruthie with moral support, dinner and some post-prandial ‘entertainment’ for a couple of hours while her Leader’s attention was off in another part of the country.

Disappointingly Geeklawyer did not get to hear the sluttily voiced Ruthie provide each and every member of the jury with remote oral sex from across the courtroom. Her leader was at fault: a thoroughly charming old school barrister, he insisted on using her for the jobs for which junior female counsel are conditioned by nature; fetching coffee cooking and ironing shirts. That is to say, a wife: but one to whom one need not give over 50% of one’s assets at the end of the trial/marriage.

It transpired however that the graceful and supple Geeklawyer’s dark presence caused pandemonium to Ruthie’s client. Not pandemonium of the usual heart, pitter patter, variety. No. Apparently Geeklawyer bore an uncanny resemblance to one of the defendants. When Geeklawyer turned up at court and sat at the back of the public area he was unaware of the turbulence he caused.

Why, said “impressive client“, is junior counsel ‘canoodling’ with a defendant. Problematic? Err yea, just a bit. impressive client took a bit of convincing that nothing untoward was occurring.

Regrettably there was worse. Much much worse.

One of the key defendants in the trial was an alarming looking gentleman with a nervous tick and a reputation for, unproven, extreme violence due to a well known untreatable psychiatric disorder. He spent much of the day, according to watchful observers, pacing up and down eying Geeklawyer, when they were both in the court corridors, or glaring at him as he sat in the public area of the trial room. This was all misinterpreted by your author.

The assumption was that Mr Loonytoons believed that Geeklawyer was not a respectable, indeed glamorous compared to his criminal colleagues, barrister but a defendant engaged in surveillance to unknown and (for Mr Psycho) detrimental ends.

Geeklawyer is, of course, well known for being brighter than the entire population of the planet Mensa put together. Readers might thus ask “OK, why did you not spot all of this?“. The problem is that Geeklawyer’s ego is not that small. He had spotted the observation but the truth is that, while straight, he knows how very hot he is to gay guys as well as the ladies; and, well, you know, he just assumed that gay lust rather than a psychotic killing instinct was the basis for the attention ….

Fortunately for the psycho hardman he wasn’t brave or stupid enough to try it on with Geeklawyer. Geeklawyer is known not just for his charm and wit but also his steel hard edge: he’d would have hated to have to deprive the court of its opportunity to mete out justice.

Damned memes - I’ve been pwned

MsR has tagged me with the latest “What are you reading” meme:

WHAT ARE YOU READING?
The rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people

OK. Here goes:

“These reasons are built into the procedures of the application for judicial review, which requires for example an application to quash a decision to be brought within a limited time. A decision not challenged within that time, whether or not it would have been declared unlawful if challenged, and whether or not unlawful for jurisdictional error, retains legal effect. So does a decision found to be unlawful but where  remedy is, in the court’s discretion, withheld.”

Principles of Judicial Review, De Smith, Woolf & Jowell’s

I tag, at random, CharonQC, Ruthie, Lawminx, Alex Cartwright and moon23 and Dan Hull.